Words are powerful. They can can inspire leaders and start wars. They can forge relationships or send them into ruin. They can speak of truth, or blind others with lies.
Our words our powerful, especially to our children.
“You’re useless, you’re clumsy, you’re a mess!”
Phrases we may have heard from our own parents, or thrown around lightly in front of our children. Criticisms are every mother (and woman’s) weakness. It is the weakness found in desire for perfection, and the attention we are able to give to details. Details, details!
When do we decide to overlook mistakes? And when do we choose to correct?
Maybe we are asking ourselves the wrong questions. Maybe it shouldn’t be a matter of deciding whether to overlook or correct a mistake, because we are parents and formators. It is our duty to teach our children right from wrong, and equip them with the skills and habits not just to survive, but thrive in life.
Maybe it is about the words we choose when we correct, and the occasion during which we choose to do this.
Let’s try to be positive in our correction, by recognizing a child’s unique personality and circumstances. Instead of calling a child useless, why not ask, “how can I help? Is it hard for you? May I teach you how to do it better?” Or, instead of calling a child clumsy or messy, why not say “let’s try to take care of our things better?”
The venue and timing is just as important. Correcting our children in front of others embarrasses them. While it may be the quickest and most convenient thing to do in that moment, we should try to consider the bigger picture. What will your child be likely to learn from? A public scolding that will drive her into fear? Or a private and loving conversation with a parent she trusts?
Certainly, this is all easier said than done. When tempers are high, a calm conversation with a difficult child is the last thing we want to do.
But perhaps when realize the power of our words on our children, we will approach the next opportunity with a gentler spirit and a different attitude.
