By Mariel Uyquiengco
Communicating with our kids should be based on respect. After all, they are people, albeit small.
The proponents of positive discipline teach parents on how to communicate with their children without demeaning or threatening them. Just because they are small doesn’t mean that we can disregard the feelings of our little ones.
Jane Nelsen, Ed. D., author of the classic parenting book “Positive Discipline”, gives several suggestions on how to communicate with young kids kindly and firmly. Here are some of her recommendations that parents have been using for more than two decades now.
1. Give them special time
Opening a line of communication with your children starts when they are young. Schedule a regular special time with each of them to establish a strong connection with each other.
Plan what you will do during your special time together. It can be to eat a snack, go to the park, or even bake some cookies. Just set aside a special time that you will both look forward to in the midst of a busy day.
2. Teach them what to do instead of just saying “don’t”
Instead of saying “don’t” or “no” all the time, teach or show your children what you want them to learn. Children learn by example and are more likely to listen when you are calm.
Make requests and not commands, and give them time to finish what they are doing instead of expecting them to drop everything for you. For small children, it is still best to be big with actions than with words.
3. Work on finding solutions instead of blaming
Children feel even littler when they feel that they are being blamed. Instead of criticizing children for their mistakes, invite them to think of ways to solve a problem that will help them.
Being more positive in the face of mistakes can help you reach your children more. Blame and anger will most likely shut the door of communication between you.
4. Listen and pay attention
Listening and paying attention to the one you’re speaking with are requisites of good communication. Give your full attention to your child when you are talking to him. This tells him that he is important to you.
If you are in the middle of doing something and your child wants you, take the time to focus on his needs and work on a solution that will keep him occupied until the time you finish your task.
5. Choose encouragement over praise
The effects of encouragement and praise are very different from each other. Encouragement invites people to be courageous to explore the world. Praise makes children beam, but praising too much will lead them to the path of seeking approval.
Encourage your children by focusing on their actions and not them as people. If they got good grades, encourage them to work harder by taking note of their hard work.
Taking the time to learn how to communicate with our children in a positive way will reap us the benefit of a healthy relationship with them. Changing our mindset about ruling over our children to working with them go through life’s challenges is a positive approach to parenting.
Mariel Uyquiengco hopes to inspire parents to be their children’s first and best teacher. She does this through her blog and online children’s book shop www.thelearningbasket.com and by giving parenting seminars about early childhood development, preschool homeschool, and raising children to be readers.
