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A Letter to the Baby in My Belly

By Paula Cabrera

Dear Baby C,

I should have started this diary the day I found out I was pregnant, but I didn’t.

Maybe it was because I was scared of jinxing it or scared that I would lose you, but I guess it’s not too late even if I’m already halfway through the pregnancy. Yep, today you are 20 weeks already and I can feel you moving a lot! You’re about the size of a banana, love.

So anyway, let me give you a back story about how you came to be. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). This means that my ovaries have cysts, which prevent me from ovulating, consequently making it a challenge for me to get pregnant. I was advised by the doctor that it would get harder to get pregnant after I turned 28 years old.

The thing is, baby, I was still a senior in law school at the time and your daddy was then a junior in law school. It was complicated, but we both knew what we wanted in the future. We knew we wanted to marry each other and have kids, so, we decided to move our plans earlier. We decided to get married.

I took the bar exams and started working while your dad finished law school and began his review for the bar exams. My greatest fear then was not getting pregnant. It took a lot of work. I had to control the symptoms of PCOS, exercise, lose weight, and eat healthily.

But above all that, I prayed and prayed and prayed. Your daddy and I prayed for you, baby. You’re one of the best answered prayers.

I clearly remember the moment I found out about you. It was around 4 a.m. Your daddy was already awake because he was studying. I woke up (without any alarm and by now, you should know how difficult it is to wake Mommy up!) because I wanted to take an early pregnancy test (EPT). The next two to three minutes were the longest of my life. I prayed and prayed and took a deep breath before I looked at the test to discover, voila – two lines confirming that I was pregnant!

I cried! It was one of my life’s happiest moments (if not the happiest!). But I had to keep it to myself. I went back to the room and didn’t say a word to your dad. I couldn’t tell him yet because he had to focus on his exams. So baby, for a few days, it was really just you and me.

I talked to you everyday and told you to hang in there and your daddy will know soon.

I took another EPT just to make sure and the two lines were even more visible!

So I waited for your dad to finish his exams and met him outside his school. While were walking along one of the small streets, I knew it was time to share the good news. I handed him the EPT and there was no need for any explanation.

He was ecstatic. He said “YES!” like he just won a gold medal!

We then went for a check-up and the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant.

Two weeks later, we went for another check-up and it was a very important one because by that time, you should have already had a heartbeat. We kept praying for your strong heartbeat and we saw your little heart beating so fast! Daddy and Mommy were so so so happy! I felt my tears run down my cheeks.

Now, my belly is showing already. I wonder how it will even stretch more! There’s no denying I’m pregnant at this point. My back hurts often and my eyes are dry and itchy. My belly is also itchy. I have freckle-like clots on my face. My feet and hands seem to have gotten bigger. I get heartburns and tummy aches. And baby, these are all because of the pregnancy! But every time you move and every time I imagine having you with us, I know everything is worth it.

On my next check-up, we will find out how healthy you are and whether you’re a boy or a girl. Most people think you’re a boy because every time I watch basketball and UFC, you’d move a lot!

The most important thing now is that you develop normally and grow healthily. Mommy eats well so you can get all the nutrients you need. So you be healthy in my belly!

By the way, you’re scheduled to come out sometime in June – around June 20 to 26. We can’t wait to meet you, little one!

So that’s it for now. Daddy and I will watch a movie on his laptop.

I love you, baby, with all my heart!

Love, Mommy.

*I gave birth on May 14, 2015 at 34 weeks to a tiny but healthy baby GIRL. We named her Catarina Corazon. Baby C (we actually call her Ceecee) is now a funny, talkative, hyperactive, and curious two-year old toddler who has diverse interests (i.e. coloring, singing, dancing, listening to the stories and books we read out loud, and playing with or talking about Princess Sofia, Beauty and the Beast, Lion King, Spiderman, and the Avengers)

 

Paula Cabrera is a working mom and a devoted wife. She and her husband are both lawyers who are continuously learning to embrace the joys and pains of both work and parenting. Reading and writing have always been some of her hobbies, and so, despite being busy, she finds time to do both even for just a few minutes everyday. She hopes to be able to be able to reach out to other parents through her short pieces and remind them that they are not alone in the crazy yet fulfilling world of parenting.

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