Sujatha Rajagopal
Parenthood is perhaps the most challenging, frustrating, and confusing job you will ever hold. It’s a 24-hour profession and you mightn’t even get sick leave. But at the same time, it has the most awesome rewards, with benefits unmatched by any other job in the world.
Count on it; your life will definitely change. But you will also fall truly, madly and deeply in love with being a new mom or dad and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
Seasoned parents say that the secret behind treading the turbulent waters of new parenthood is to stay calm and take it easy. Here, we look at how staying cool and realistic will help you face the initial weeks of your baby’s birth.
Slowly does it
Babies live at a very different pace from adults. Although you may be tempted to rush through new chores like cleaning, feeding and sterilising bottles, your child will have a completely different schedule from one day to another, throwing all carefully laid plans into chaos. So do allow yourself to live on “baby time”.
Instead of rushing through baby care duties like you would a project at work, leave less urgent chores aside and take the time to talk to your child, rock him, sing to him and catch a nap with him. The first few weeks are precious for parent-child bonding, and will end very quickly. You will forever miss the moments when you first held and cuddled your chid. So make the most of them!
Crying as communication
Childhood development experts advise that responding to your child’s cries quickly helps him to learn that the world is a place he can rely on and feel comfortable in. Satisfying your child’s needs promptly will also help him trust you, an essential step in establishing your life together.
As annoying as it may be, responding to a child’s incessant crying is not just about plugging his mouth with a bottle or pacifier or changing his diaper. Do remember that the only way your baby can communicate his feelings at the moment is through crying. He is doing his best to tell you what he needs, and those needs may have nothing to do with hunger. He may cry simply because he wants to be held.
Figuring out what his cries mean is critical if you want to get to know one another better. Do watch out, however, if baby cries non-stop for more than an hour. He could be having colic. Talk to your doctor if you are worried.
Prevent nursing fatigue
Before you get used to it, breastfeeding your child non-stop can wear you out. You may find that you’ve just fed your child and burped him, and before you can heave that sigh of relief, he wants to nurse some more.
Before you give up breastfeeding from sheer frustration, train yourself not to offer the breast at every slightest sign of hunger. If he has been gaining weight well and you last nursed him less than an hour ago, try calming him in other ways, such as wrapping him in his blanket, switching on some music or simply talking to him.
Sleep when baby sleeps
It can seem like a waste of time to sleep when there is just so much to do. But until you get used to living with the exhaustion, it is best to catch any shut-eye you can get. Usually, this is only possible when baby is asleep or if another family member is able to care for him for a few hours. Even if this is at 11am in the morning, try to console yourself that feeling refreshed afterwards will help you care better for baby.
There are several important things to remember if you’re going to snooze with your baby:
Try to put baby into his cot. Studies show that infants are at higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome when exhausted parents take a snooze with them on a sofa or even in bed.
Help fine tune baby’s immature internal clock by teaching him the difference between day and night. When he wakes up from a daytime nap, play with him and talk to him. When he wakes up at night, try to remain silent and keep the room dark. Use a nightlight if you have to change his diaper.
Don’t forget to recharge
Apart from sleep, you can also take some time off by having a warm bath, a chat with a friend or taking a brisk walk — without baby. Having some time for yourself does not make you selfish. In contrast, it will help relax your mind and make you a more responsive parent.
Ask for and accept offers of help
Due to numerous reasons, many new parents feel that they should be able to handle the challenges of parenthood by themselves. This may stop you from asking for help or accepting when it is offered. However, when you accept help, you are also helping others, especially family members, to feel involved in caring for baby.
Asking for help, particularly from older family members or friends who have kids, can be a good learning experience. These are the people who already have a wealth of tried-and-tested parenting know-how at their disposal, and they will undoubtedly love to share these with you.
Understanding your body after delivery
Pregnancy and childbirth can really change the way you look and feel. Although the physical changes can right themselves, it is important, now more than ever, to be careful about your health.
The following are some postpartum discomforts to look out for:
Bleeding after childbirth.
The discharge of blood, called lochia, is normal as the lining of the uterus is shed. This discharge can be heavy before it gradually becomes lighter and disappears after three or four weeks. The only thing you can do is to keep a ready stock of maternity pads and be strict about personal hygiene. However, if the bleeding stays heavy for weeks or you start passing out big blood clots, contact your doctor immediately.
Afterpain.
As the uterus shrinks to its pre-pregnancy state, you may experience pain similar to contractions. These can be alleviated by applying warm compresses to your abdomen. You may also have pain from an episiotomy or C-section. Speak to your doctor about the most effective ways to address afterpain.
Engorged breasts and sore nipples.
Your breasts may become painfully engorged if baby doesn’t feed often or long enough. Applying cold compresses or cabbage leaves can reduce the discomfort. Ensure too that you wear a comfortable and supportive bra. Constant suckling can also make your nipples sore. You can find nipple soothing creams at most major pharmacies. Many are safe for use even during breastfeeding. Be sure to check the label though.
Incontinence.
New mothers may experience temporary changes in bladder or bowel control as well as constipation or haemorrhoids. Doing Kegel exercises, drinking plenty of fluid and eating food rich in fibre will help.
Diet and exercise for new moms
It is extremely important to eat a balanced diet of protein, carbohydrates and fat and have sufficient intake of calcium and other health-boosting minerals. Breastfeeding can make you feel very hungry all the time, so do be careful about what you eat. Nursing moms need to eat an extra 500 calories a day and the temptation to blow those calories on high-fat, high-sugar snacks will be high. But these are empty calories that can have undesirable consequences — for you and baby.
Keep lots of fruits handy; they are a truly healthy way to satisfy sugar cravings while pumping your body with disease-fighting vitamins, antioxidants and phytochemicals. Drinking lots of water will help curb overeating.
Exercise can also help you recover more quickly from delivery. Forget rigorous workouts. Instead, focus on light stretching and walking to boost your fitness level and gradually lose unwanted pounds. When moving about, avoid injuries to your healing episiotomy or C-section incision. This means that making sudden movements and lifting or carrying heavy objects are definitely out.
Keep your expectations in check
Sweating the small things will not help your child. Your child does not need a perfect parent; but he will surely need your unfailing presence, love and comfort.
Taking things one at a time will help you cope better and stops you from feeling overwhelmed or constantly stressed.
As you face each new day, you will also be exposed to feelings you never knew you had. You may start crying unexpectedly or feel on top of the world for no apparent reason. These feelings are normal as you begin to adjust to the new demands on your time, body and emotions. Giving baby your undivided attention and rewarding yourself with good health are what you should aim for at this time.
From about three months of age, most babies become less demanding and more at ease with themselves and their surroundings. At this stage, being a mom or dad is going to become even more enjoyable.
When you receive that wide-eyed there’s-no-one-more-important-to-me-than-you gaze of love from your child, you will know that all your hard work is being rewarded a hundred times over. And this is exactly what new parenthood is all about.
Good luck!
