Good Enough Parenting
The term ‘good enough parenting’ was coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Dr. Donald Winnicott during the early 19th century. Dr. Winnicott studied the interaction between mothers and their babies and believed that this relationship provides a child with the impetus and stimulation necessary to grow and develop.
He also noted that in this kind of relationship, both the mother and the child have needs and wants they want to satisfy. ‘Good enough parenting’ describes a parent who does his or her best to take care of a child’s needs, all the while making sure that her needs are met as well. Dr. Winnicott believed that by taking time to attend to her own needs, a mother creates a facilitating environment where her child learns to do things on his or her own and gain independence.
A good enough parent stands in contrast with a so-called perfect parent. A perfect parent anticipates and meets all the needs and wants of his or her child, in the process failing to provide the opportunity to learn from life’s disappointments and challenges. A good enough mother, on the other hand, is devoted to her child but also recognizes that she cannot do everything for him or her child all the time. A good enough mother therefore allows her child to experience some disappointments and make mistakes in the hope of learning from them.
Good enough mothers raise happy, considerate children because they learn from an early age that they are not the center of the universe and that other people’s needs are as important as theirs. Children who see their mother go through a difficult day; apologize if they have hurt someone with their own words, and try their best to rectify their mistakes are living a life that will prepare them better for the real world in the future compared with kids who have somehow got everything figured out for them even before they could decide on their own.
Indeed, parenting comes with its ups and downs. However, it is all part of the bigger picture you are trying to make your child see: one that is filled with interactions with others, learning experiences, mistakes perhaps, but never one that they cannot recover from. You can say that a child has grown well if he or she has somehow experienced a balance of feats and disappointments, learning from them along the way and becoming better in the end. If this is the case, then you can proudly call yourself a good enough parent.
