Sharing Is Caring

Toddlerhood can be filled with moments of firm resolve – on the sides of both the parents and the child! You will have to look far and wide to find a more determined person than a toddler who has decided not to share. Don’t worry too much about your toddler’s behavior. Instead, find gentle and more indirect ways to help him to share his toys. Here are the reasons why it is good for your toddler to have an opportunity not to share:

• During this phase of toddlerhood your child is understanding the concept of ownership. He cannot share what he does not own and needs opportunities to assert ownership. He is distinguishing your will from his and what better way to do that than to assert control over a small part of his universe?
• Asserting ownership helps your toddler to build confidence in his own ability to make choices. Toddlers have relatively little control over their daily lives. They need a chance to make a choice and stick to it within the safe limits of their home.
• The concept of ownership helps a child to be responsible. If a child owns a toy, it is his responsibility to take care of it.                                                                                                                                                               

What can parents do on a practical level, to minimize conflict about toys and demonstrate the benefits of sharing to their child? Here are some strategies I’ve learned through the years:

• Assign an owner – All toys should have one specific owner (even if it’s Mom!). The owner gets to decide who plays with it first and what happens to it when there is conflict about it.
• Who had it first rule – When there is conflict about a certain toy that doesn’t belong to a specific person, ask the feuding parties who had the toy first and award the right of play to that child.
• Put it away – If you can’t maintain peace with choosing an owner, you can explain that you are putting the toy away until they agree to make turns in playing with it.
• Preparing for friends – Ask your child before a visit from friends if there are any toys that he would rather not share and put it away before your guest arrive.
• Model sharing – Be a role model by sharing objects that are precious to you.                                                                                                                                            

Your child will outgrow his need to assert ownership. Encourage him gently in this area and he will soon share on his own accord.