Yaya Jealousy? It’s Okay For Our Kids to Love Their Yayas!

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By: Paula Cabrera

While we strive to do everything on our own, we have to admit, fellow Mamas, that at one point or another, we need help. Hence, we hire nannies to help us with our little ones.

Deciding to hire a nanny can be tough. Hiring one is even tougher. We go through the tedious interviews, assessments, medical check-ups of the nanny, and efforts to be objective especially when it comes to our instincts. We want this relationship to work, and we need it to, considering that this person, who may have been a complete stranger, will be in close – physical, emotional, and psychological – contact with our kids. We need the nanny to be our kids’ friend, playmate, caregiver, what have you, and yes, let’s admit it. We kind of need her to be our “sub,” well, maybe our “pseudo-sub.” I hope you know what I mean.

We then enter into this employer-employee relationship with the nanny, and really, we welcome her into our home.

My toddler’s nanny has been with us for almost a year now. She helps us A LOT with feeding our daughter who seems to have random feelings about food. Thus, feeding our girl can be quite a challenge, and yet, with her nanny, she eats her meals like she’s a soldier who came from battle. At the same time, considering both my husband and I work, Ceecee’s nanny makes being a working mom (well, working parents, actually) less difficult and more manageable. We have welcomed her into our home, and she’s part of our family.

I realized that a bond has been established between our toddler and her nanny when one night, during our prayers, Ceecee proudly said, “Mama, pray for Nanny.” Later on, when our daughter would randomly say, “I love you, Mama. I love you, Popop,” she would follow it up with “I love you, Nanny.” Her nanny, with a big smile, would reply, “I love you, Ceecee.”

Witnessing this makes me happy and grateful. However, I do admit that there are times I get jealous that while I’m working, the nanny gets to spend more time with my two-year-old. These moments are fleeting though, and once this pang of jealousy subsides, I realize that it’s completely okay that my little girl loves her nanny.

Why?

1. Like I said, the nanny is our “sub.” Regardless of whether we are working moms or stay-at-home moms, we need a breather. We need time to do other things or to rest. The nanny steps in to help us take care of our kids. We need to let them develop a bond; otherwise, we would constantly worry and we would never learn to trust the nanny. In effect, the set-up will not work, all we have is a stranger in our home, and all the efforts we have put in the hiring process of the nanny would have gone to waste. Also, with our kids loving their nanny, it’s easier to establish harmony at home. Can you just imagine how awkward and how tense the ambience will be at home if our kids were in constant disagreements or dislike with their nanny?

2. Knowing that our kids love their nanny shows us that the latter is doing a great job in attending to our little ones. It means that our kids feel safe with them, that they enjoy being with them while we are away, that they have found a friend in their nanny, and that they feel the tender loving care from their nanny.

3. Our kids learn the value of respect and kindness to be given beyond actual family members. The nanny steps in our homes as a stranger, and in time and should the relationship work and develop, she becomes part of the family. It’s natural for our kids to be endearing to family members, but we need to teach them to extend respect and kindness to others. This starts at home – with our househelp, including the nanny.

4. Knowing that our kids are in good hands, we get to function in other aspects of our lives – work, friendships, marriage, you name it. After the re-charge/me-time/accomplished day at work, we have more energy for our kids. We become better moms, and so, we ought to be grateful for the teamwork of the family, including the nanny.

5. At the same time, aside from the employment and all its benefits given to our kids’ nanny, the fact that our kids love her, express this love for her, and enjoy being with her, helps boost the self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence of their nanny. This love our kids have for her brings about some sense of fulfillment and allows her to improve not only as an employee, but more importantly, as a person.

It’s undeniable that the job of a nanny is not simply manual or mechanic. She deals with our kids, cares for their needs, and attends to them. The fact that our kids appreciate their nanny and are able to show their love for her does not mean that they love their nanny more than they love us. Remember, fellow mamas, we are irreplaceable. The nanny does not step in to rank higher in the hearts of our little ones. She serves as the help we need, even when we refuse to accept such reality. Our kids loving her is an indication that she’s doing her job well, and that’s definitely something we ought to appreciate.

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Paula Cabrera is a working mom and a devoted wife. She and her husband are both lawyers who are continuously learning to embrace the joys and pains of both work and parenting. Reading and writing have always been some of her hobbies, and so, despite being busy, she finds time to do both even for just a few minutes everyday. She hopes to be able to be able to reach out to other parents through her short pieces and remind them that they are not alone in the crazy yet fulfilling world of parenting.

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