Yes, we are just at home. We are. But even if we are, we are always in a rush, we have a lot on our plates, we have a lot in our minds. There are days when we feel like we are experts on this, but there are days when it will just hit us right on the spot and boom… we just break down.
Motherhood. Being a mother means you’re capable of loving so much – so much that you’ll almost drain yourself out for your family. You’d want to prepare healthy food for them, you’d want to prepare them on time, you’d want to keep the house clean, you’d want to keep the clothes neatly folded, you’d want to organize weekend quality time with them, and so much more. You’d even be making a mental list of things to do while doing all the things you’ve thought about yesterday or the other day or the other day. It just goes on. It doesn’t stop.
We love them. We love them so much that we want to give them our best that if it doesn’t happen, we get frustrated. We question our capabilities as mothers. Maybe we’re not fit for this role. Maybe we’re just pretending that we can do this. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
Keeping ourselves together, being composed, being organized, being patient…it’s a daily struggle. There are times when you wake up knowing that you can pull this day off with flying colors. But there are times when it’s just 10 am but you’re already way exhausted and you just want night time to come quickly.
But wait, night time does not means rest. It means looking at all the mess in the house. It means being frustrated with all the things that have gone wrong today and with all the tasks left undone. It means making a long mental note of things to do tomorrow. For some, it even means sitting in front of your computer and working until past midnight.
A lot of complaining, you might say. Maybe we are. Maybe we are not. Maybe we are just trying to get things out of our chest because we are so alone at home every day with no adult to share our thoughts with. Maybe this is a cry for help. We are not sure. We are never sure about our feelings. You know why? Because we don’t even have the time to process our thoughts and feelings because we are so busy being a wife, a homemaker, and a mother. Unfortunately, processing our emotions does not make it on our mental to-do-list.
So what do we do? All the emotions will get bottled up and will every so often explode and the wives, the homemakers, and the mothers will just break down.
We cry. We try to justify it but most of the time, we really cannot figure out why we’re crying. Again, there’s just too much going on that we cannot even take time to process our thoughts. So we just cry.
We pray. We pray because we feel like we lost ourselves. Our sanity. We cannot comprehend what’s going on but we believe that God does. He does know what’s going on. So when the house is finally quiet, when the mess of the day are just everywhere, when we finally lose it, we pray. We pray and say, ‘You are my Father, Lord. I do not understand what’s going on, but I know you do. Help me.’
Finally, we are thankful. We are thankful because we are wives who have husbands who love us; because we are homemakers who have houses to clean, meals to prepare, dishes to clean, and clothes to wash and keep; because we are mothers who have kids who just fill our hearts with so much love; and because we have a loving Father who silences our troubled hearts and says ‘Be still and know that I am God.’