It’s true that some teachers are not movie-worthy but most really do have your child’s best interests at heart.
I cried buckets watching Dead Poets Society. Robin Williams’ character was my idea of the perfect teacher. Mr Holland’s Opus, School of Rock, and the more recent Freedom Writers, each in its own unique way, had me rooting for teachers who dare to walk the road untrodden. And who can forget the Sydney Poitier classic To Sir with Love?
When you have a child though, you could begin seeing teachers in a different light. For example, when I witnessed a teacher yelling at my son for dropping his things one day, I was ready to declare war on the profession.
Things might have turned ugly if I had given in to my true feelings. Luckily, I kept a level head and consulted a few experienced mums. These are the valuable tips I received:
“Know the difference between proper and improper discipline.”
Using role-play or other methods, teach your child to know the difference between these situations:
A. Being reprimanded gently or firmly but fairly because he did something wrong.
B. Being reprimanded harshly or yelled at because he did something wrong.
C. Being reprimanded harshly or yelled at for no fault of his.
Children being children, it’s highly possible that your child might get up to some mischief or other during school life. However, your child needs to know when discipline is justified and when it becomes completely unacceptable. A is clearly justified and effective because the teacher disciplines out of concern for the child. B is bad judgement on the teacher’s part while C is abuse of power.
“Teach your child to stand up for her/ himself.”
Becoming a parent makes us very protective. So much so that when the slightest negativity threatens to hurt our kids, we leap like lionesses shielding their cubs. But we can’t always be there for our children. So what better than a difficult—but relatively safe—school situation to teach them about solving problems on their own?
If your child is encountering a B or C situation, don’t jump the gun and withdraw her from that school or classroom just yet. Instead, ask her to look the teacher in the eye and firmly but respectfully request not to be yelled at. Sometimes, all it takes is for the child to refuse to be pushed around.
“Speak to other parents.”
When my friend Cathy’s son faced a difficult teacher episode in school, Cathy spoke to a few of the other mums. A handful felt that their kids should be given kinder attention while most stressed that although the teacher was extremely strict, she was bringing out amazing results from the kids. These parents advised Cathy to use the teacher’s criticism constructively without taking it personally. Cathy took the advice and today her son counts that teacher as one of his favourites!
“Discuss, don’t confront.”
If your child keeps receiving unfair treatment or if she is too young to stand up for himself, make an appointment to meet with the teacher and an administrator. Remain composed, respectful and polite but focused on the topic. Don’t set a bad example for your child by raising your voice. In most cases, a good parent-teacher meeting will be very fruitful for everyone involved. But they can also get messy. If you become impatient, take a deep breath and begin again. If the teacher becomes impatient, refuse to talk until he or she calms down. Once you’ve discovered the real problems at hand, devise a mutually acceptable solution. Then give the matter some time to resolve.
“Teachers are humans too.”
Teachers are often over-worked. Imagine having to answer and guide 25 or more kids all at once! And having to juggle parental expectations too! Many teachers also go beyond the call of duty to educate a child. One teacher I know brought her own computer to teach her class because the school’s used outdated software.
Much as we’d like to believe that our kids are angels, their teachers will likely have proof to show us otherwise. Sometimes, by volunteering at the school or attending parent-teacher meetings more frequently, you might be able to better judge what is actually going on.
“Change schools if you have to.”
Most of the mums I spoke to found an amicable resolution. But we couldn’t because the teacher was clearly unable to handle stress. Although I felt it was generally a good school, I couldn’t allow my son’s self-esteem to take a beating almost every day.
However, this episode did have its blessings. My son has learnt how to speak up for himself. And we found another school with passionate, experienced teachers who very obviously care for the children.
Chances are your child will be happy with her teacher. If she isn’t, don’t forget to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt and allow your child a chance to toughen up. But if you and your child are constantly uncomfortable, then trust your instincts and look elsewhere. As John Keating (Robin Williams’ character) said in Dead Poets Society: “There is a time for daring and a time for caution, and a wise man (or mum) knows which is called for.”