Yes, Preschoolers Can Develop Empathy

Your child’s social and moral development is a work in progress. According to research, these skills do not come naturally to children. Piaget, an early childhood theorist, believed that children develop socially and morally through their interactions with the world around them, through which they gain knowledge and cognitive understandings of right and wrong.

The domain of moral development, on the other hand, matures over time. At age three or four, it is natural for kids to be egocentric. But with the proper stimuli and guidance from you, they are bound to let go of this egocentricity and develop a more morally sound personality.

It is when a child finally understands the meaning of rules that social responsibility starts. Why do we have rules? Why is it not right to hit your friend and take her toy away? Why should you share the toy? By this time, your child should start developing empathy for others. He or she should be able to understand that his or her actions affect other people’s feelings. For example, taking your friend’s toy and hitting her would make her feel sad, but when you play together, your friend would feel happy.

Once you talk to your child this way—explaining how his or her actions have this profound effect on the people around him or her—your child will start looking at the world differently. But you also have to remember that coaching needs to take the proper form so that kids can interpret them in a positive way, and therefore translate to positive actions. Telling your kids “I told you not to take her ball!” would not do any good. Children will interpret this as a reprimand and a punishment, and would most probably end up resenting both you and the friend. It’s better to take the more positive and constructive approach: “What happened when you took her ball?” And then discuss how your child’s friend felt, and how your child can turn the situation around and regain his or her friend’s good will.

As an adult, you need to understand that putting others before themselves isn’t very easy for children. When my daughter was four, we were at a birthday party and she skipped along ready to get a stick-on tattoo.  She did not know that there was a small line of children waiting to receive their tattoos too. She just jumped right up to the table and held her arm out, much to the dismay of the children waiting in line. I had to discuss with her that there were children who were waiting in line, and that we should do the same too.

Early childhood authors have also written many excellent books on caring and sharing for young children. Hearing a story about others in similar social relationships can also foster moral development, so reading to your child about these similar situations may actually help them understand better too.

Another great way to foster a more caring attitude in children is by giving them another one to care for—a pet, for instance. This way, children start to realize that there is somebody aside from himself or herself who needs attention. Countless researches have proven that kids who care for pets at home also develop a more caring, compassionate attitude for others. 

Finally, you are also enjoined to be caring models for your kids. Don’t just encourage them to be caring; show them how it means to care for others yourself. Give them a hand when they need it; comfort them when they feel down; always be that pillar of strength to them. Reward their caring acts too. Commend them for doing something for others without being told. Praise them for helping another kid get back to his feet after falling down. Let them know you appreciate all these, and soon enough they develop the same caring attitude you have selflessly shown.