Playing With My Friends Makes Me Smile

Children develop very quickly and playtime is a big part of the change.  When you think about how he interacts with his peers you may be wondering where he fits in the different levels of play.  When children first begin to play it is usually independently.  The child plays alone and is focused only on his activity and nothing else in the room. 

After solitary play the child begins to notice others playing which is called onlooker play.  He is not engaging in the play with others, but instead he is just watching as he takes it all in.  Next comes parallel play where the child plays separately but close to the other children.  For example, a little boy may be making dinner in the house area and the next little boy is making dinner also but they are not playing together. 

As children get older they move into associative play where they play the same theme, such as both of the children are playing house but there is no organized activity in what they are doing for example one child may be mothering the baby and another child is cooking dinner.  In associative play the children are interested in each other but they don’t play together. 

Lastly, children progress into cooperative play where a theme emerges.  They play together and may even take on new roles and responsibilities.  In the example of playing house one child may pretend to be the daddy and one child may pretend to be the doggie and a third child may be the bus driver and drive everyone into the town.  Cooperative play requires communication skills and social maturity. 

You are likely noticing that your child is progressing through these stages of play and depending on the situation at hand he make take different leads.  With familiar friends, he will join in spontaneously and play freely, but with a new group of friends he may play parallel until he feels comfortable. 

Praise your child when you see him interacting positively with his peers.  Guide him by giving him words to use as he meets new friends.  You can say, “Look, this friend has a fire truck.  You like to play with fire trucks too.”  Each child’s temperament will dictate how he enters a play scene.  Be patient, give him time and don’t force him into playing.  Set up frequent play dates with his friends or join a class in your community so he has opportunities to practice his social skills in small group settings. You’ll find now that your child can play cooperatively for extended periods of time before needing adult interventions.  Be there to observe and only step in when necessary. Before you know it your child will have a best buddy!