Understanding the Toddler’s Negativism Stage
There are times she just likes to say “no” to anything and everything that you say. Despite a display of negativism showing at age 1 ½ to 3 years old, know that it’s actually part of a toddler’s growing- up tasks and that includes asserting her newfound independence, now that she can move around on her own, and now that she sees herself as a separate individual from you.
5 Tips in Handling a Toddler’s Negativism
1. Avoid saying “no” yourself, and keep a sense of humor when talking with your toddler.
A lot of times we say “no” to a toddler almost every time we want obedience as a form of protecting her. That’s how the toddler learned the meaning of “No”. “No” is a sign of control. She may say “no” just to tell you she’s in charge now, even though she may really mean “yes”.
You can try saying “no” creatively without using the word itself. Instead of saying “no cookies before meals”, try saying “you can have cookies after meals”, or if you meant “no playing after bedtime” then you can say “we’ll play with wiggly bear in the morning, for now he needs to sleep, and so do you.” Try to avoid demands on your toddler.
2. Emphasize positivity and offer your toddler a choice, minimizing opportunities for her to say “no”, and allowing her to decide on her own.
If your toddler behaves well (doing as you told her), focus on that behavior and say “It’s good that you placed your toys in the basket after playing with them.” A toddler will assert independence increasingly as she grows older and this is always a good sign. Part of her development is feeling that sense of pride and a sense of shame when she fails on a task.
In matters where safety is the utmost importance, do the needful and make sure you decide quickly to ensure that your child is safe. One example is not allowing the toddler to run across the street, or buckling her in a seat belt even when she throws a tantrum about it. In these situations the only choice you can give her is whether she cooperates or not. You have to be firm about certain things involving her safety, and if she cooperates you can either praise her, or reward her with a treat.
When it comes to matters of lesser importance, like choice of food, offer healthy options. For example, “Would you like apples to go with your oatmeal or do you prefer cereal and milk?” A temper tantrum is common at this stage. Try to soothe her by turning her attention to other things she may like. Soothing words will help. Remember that negotiating with a toddler should never be a battle of wills. Sometimes, her “no” is not to be taken seriously, and she just needs to be acknowledged as an individual, so you go back to offering her choices of limited options.
3. Be flexible in dealing with your toddler.
Flexibility is not being “soft” when you need to be firm about a certain rule. Even if a toddler knows she needs to put away her toys after playing, she may still display negativism by crying or getting upset. You can try to help her if she continues to be upset. Offer an alternative in the process like -”Here, let me help you put away your toys, and then you can have your favorite cookie after this.”
4. Don’t ask a toddler to choose when it’s clear she has no choice. Just tell it like it is.
If it’s bedtime, and for her own well-being there is simply no choice for her but to obey, just say “It’s now bedtime. You can play again tomorrow.”
5. Make sure you incorporate a “quiet time” in both of your schedules, one that she will expect to do day in and day out as part of her daily routine.
Fatigue on your part is unavoidable during the toddler years, as you follow your curious toddler around as she explores her world with ever increasing curiosity. Toddlers are more cooperative when a pattern of daily routine is established – such as the same time for mealtime, playtime, bath time, bed time and quiet time.
However, if she is constantly sad, irritated or unsatisfied most of the time, look for hidden signs of stress that may have a physical or psychological reason. It’s always best to consult a pediatrician to rule out any signs of distress or depression.