By: Patricia Ocampo Gonzalez
Dear Husband,
Did you ever think that our lives would look like this? That, after 3 years of marriage, we would have our hands full of children, and our heads full of worries, and fears, and dreams?
I remember our newlywed days, when waking up to get to work on time was a struggle. When our concerns revolved around what we would cook for dinner, when to do the laundry, how we would pass the time during the coming weekend.
Time–we had no idea how much we had of it…and what a luxury it was, to have a few moments, hours of each day with a checked to do-list and the space in our calendars to rest. “Makipaglibang”–i think, is the Filipino term. We were free to do as we pleased, to live as we pleased…but best of all, to do these together.
I write about it as though this was an entire blissful season of our lives, years of this “freedom”. But no…the truth is, it only lasted a few short months. Because when we found out I was pregnant, our dynamic changed…slowly, but drastically.
The baby, the baby, the baby…became the focus of our days. The focus of our marriage.
Our miracle baby–the baby we never knew we could ever have, was finally within reach. And we were determined to do everything in our power to bring that baby from out of my womb and into our arms.
Every sacrifice was worth it. We missed trips, spent weekends at home, rested as much and as often as we could, waited long hours in the evening after work to see our doctor as frequently as she wanted to see us. Every little symptom was a cause of worry for us both–a mild cold, slight cramping? To the ER, right away! These were our new concerns.The rest of our lives fell into the sidelines.
And isn’t that what new parenthood looks like? Our (two) miracle babies are toddlers. We are still new parents. Much more relaxed yes, and miles more confident than we were during the first months…but isn’t every single thing we do now, done for the good of our daughters? Isn’t the rest just frosting?
Did we ever think, that having 2 children would require us to work from the beginning until the end of our days? Sun up to sundown, at our offices and on our laps at home? Did we ever think we would work on weekends? Did we ever think our lives would be so full, that the idea of catching up on a series on Netflix would be so foreign?
We knew parenthood would take over our lives, but did we ever think our lives would look like this?
Our lives are no longer our own. Our children are sun, and you and I are planets…orbiting around them. We are orbiting, rotating, evolving. Do you remember the people we were, before we became parents? Doesn’t that feel like lightyears ago?
You have always loved photos. But did you ever think you would be a professional photographer…even if just on the weekends? That your love for family would spill over into the quality, candidness, and joy of each of your photos–so much so that others would want you to capture these qualities about their families as well?
And that’s not all you have learned to photograph! We would have laughed then, at the prospect of you taking photos of models in swimwear with my full consent.
Did I ever think I would be an entrepreneur? No. That was for business graduates, not for me. Did I ever think I would pursue writing? No. That was a childhood dream.
And yet here we are. Becoming the people we never knew we could be, because our daughters are the sun. They are our light, our source of energy, creativity, and life.
So many are afraid of parenthood because of what it may ask them to “give up.” And yes, there is truth to their worry. Marriage and parenthood demands that you “give up” your time, your body, your dreams, your plans. In many ways this is true.
But what people don’t talk about or don’t realize is how much life as spouses and parents truly gives.
Our hands are full, of babies, schedules, appointments, diaper changes, books to read, skills to teach.
Our heads are full of worries, memories (we never want to forget), fears, and dreams for ourselves and for our children.
But our hearts? Our hearts are full too. So big, so full, and so happy.
Marriage and parenthood are changing us, and making us into the people we never dreamed we could be.
We never thought our lives would look like this.
Patricia Gonzalez is MOMCENTER’s Editor. She has two adorable daughters–ages 1 and 2, and is married to a man who inspires her to be a better woman everyday.
Beyond her work as a writer, she also an entrepreneur and manages the PR, marketing, and social media of two of her own local clothing brands, @coralswimwearph and @pearlclothingph.
She is a woman on a mission, and believes that motherhood is not limiting, but empowering. Join her on her journey by following her on instagram at @patriciaogonzalez.