Leonardo Talpo, Associate Of InsideOutYou Coaching
We say that nobody is perfect therefore it is logical to think that the greater the responsibilities amassed the more opportunity for imperfection.
Parents have huge responsibilities thus they have much less chance of being perfect. The intention is not to lecture you on how to become perfect because that is impossible, but to remind you that you don’t have to be.
Every child needs a family; in fact, every human being needs family. The child’s needs are greater because of their moral, emotional, psychological and practical dependency. The most important asset for a child to grow psychologically, morally and socially healthy is the emotional affection better known as love.
The Importance Of A Loving Family Environment
A loving family environment is the only condition a family needs to exist. The key to establishing that ideal environment to nurture our children is connectedness. This is the feeling a child has of belonging, of feeling needed, of being an important and loved member of the family. It is also called bonding, a feeling of being able to trust.
In order to maintain the ideal family environment, we need to possess skills such as generosity, tolerance, adaptability, understanding, commitment, curiosity and engagement. It is necessary to acquire the capacity to accept the partner and the children for what they are; though they may be different than what we expect. This is not always an easy task, but essential if we want to give the emotional support vital for the child development.
What Children Really Need For Their Development
They need the respect and protection from parents who listen to them seriously, love them unconditionally, and guide them to become aware of the world. The child, whose integrity is not damaged, will develop intelligence, responsiveness, empathy and sensitivity. They will become people who are able to respect and protect others, including their own children. They will use their power to defend themselves, but not attack; they will be of great service to their own family and an example for a healthy society.
A study conducted in USA on 12,000 young people, found that those with a strong emotional attachment to parents were less likely to take drugs, drink alcohol, have sex at an early age or engage in violence. In a healthy environment, young people feel safe, valued and listened to. They are more likely to experience emotional well-being and to become resilient and happy adults.
Remember That We Aren’t Perfect
We have to remember we are not perfect parents, and we don’t have to work hard to pretend we are perfect in the eyes of our children. Parents need to be true and honest and answer in a positive way to life’s challenges and disappointments. That will teach their children that what is really important is the ability to pick oneself up and move on after a difficult time. They will learn that security has nothing to do with being perfect, but in being the best that they can be.
Seek Support When You Need It
Because the task of being a parent is often overwhelming and very demanding, we have to accept the need to be educated. Besides learning practical skills on how to be reasonable, functional and useful parents, we also need to contact and develop our emotional intelligence. Often our logic tells us what is correct but we are caught in an incontrollable emotional turmoil and we say or do regrettable words or actions.
A professional relationships counselor and coach can help you to put things into perspective. While friends can offer invaluable advice, if you sense you cannot handle something serious that bothers your child, it is wise and responsible to seek education and guidance from experts in parenting and relationships areas.
Notes about the author
Leonardo is an enthusiastic and energetic Relationships Counsellor & Coach who has a passion for educating and helping people to develop communication and relationship skill. He has been working in Asia for the past 20 years and is an expert in multiculturalism. Leonardo runs his own counselling & coaching practice in Singapore specialising in Healthy Relationships, and he is an associate of InsideOutYou Coaching & Training, run by his wife Elisabetta.
Consultations can be made by appointment. Call 9088 0146 to make one.
